Feeling lost after FIRE

[DrRoy]

What you describe is not uncommon. I fired at 57 and moved easily into more travel, photography, reading, and enjoying controlling my own time. I did not have the period of feeling lost. You might try Meetup.com to see if you can find an interest.

Thanks for this suggestion! I have just checked it and I have indeed found one interesting event for next week that I will join
I haven't been living in my home country since the time I finished a high school, so when I actually think about it, I don't have so many friends, so extending a circle of people I hang out with might be beneficial

I'm so glad that you found it to be helpful. What did you find?

 

[Koolau]

Hi all! I (M31) have been FIREd for 2 years now. As soon as I reached my financial goal, I quit my corporate job and have moved back to my home country. Before making this major life shift, I had a whole list of things that I wanted to do with my free time, such as enrolling into a graduate school, be more physically active, travel more - simply enjoying the life.

However, for quite some time now I have found myself in some kind of a "mental vacuum" where I don't have a motivation to go out and enjoy things. I actually started with a graduate school, but I have soon after quit it due to the lack of motivation and under the excuse that I will not go to the corporate world again, hence there is no need for me to study more. Also, I am not as physically active as I wanted to be. Simply put, I have a lot of free time, but I have a feeling I am not using in a quality way. Another thing is that I am not getting as excited about the things as I used to be - activities that I was thrilled about before, like travelling, going to sports games, etc. - everything became kind of "plain vanilla". The dream of getting FIREd was something I had been going to bed and waking up with, I was so much in the zone to reach that state that it was obssessing me, but once I reached it I feel my life got so empty and I can't say that I am the happier than before when I was a corporate worm.

I feel like I need some kind of responsibility in my life that will occupy my time. It doesn't need to be anything of a financial nature, just simply something that will get me out of my comfort zone and get me excited agaon.

I would be pleased to know if any of you have gone through such phases and how did you cope with the lack of motivation, and also how did you find ways to get excited again. Thank you all!

One question that might help you a bit: Have you ever taken the Myers-Briggs series? It tells you a lot about your personality type. I am very much an introvert (I always say "off the chart, introvert.") As such, I find I still need friends, but do not depend on them for daily support or fulfillment in retirement. I can spend days without much "human companionship" and be just fine. I can find things to do to keep myself occupied. When I DO get together with friends, I love it, but I can only take "so much" before I need to "escape" to a more controlled space (IOW be by myself.)



M-B categories are neither good nor bad but tell us what our strengths and weaknesses might be when it comes to dealing with other people or how we deal with change or even loneliness. I think there might be M-B "test" on the internet though you might have to give them your email address (no idea - I didn't check that far.) Might be worth a shot. Good luck.

 

[Markola]

Before making this major life shift, I had a whole list of things that I wanted to do with my free time, such as enrolling into a graduate school, be more physically active, travel more - simply enjoying the life!

Oh, man, did I have a list. For years before FIREing at 54 I kept a Note on my iPhone for my approximately one million brainstorms for what I could do post-FIRE.

In hindsight, my list was a coping mechanism. A crutch. Haven’t looked at it even once in 3 years since quitting.

But I know what was on it: Ways to make money that were different than my 9-5 management job. So, what that tells me is that I didn’t want to quit working so much as to do something completely different for work. That has actually happened, as I’ve said yes to two consulting opportunities, which have led recently to full time consulting. I’m stimulated, learning, growing and earning again.

I found what I was looking for and hope you do, too. For myself, I’m glad I said YES when opportunity knocked. Congrats on meeting your goal and having options!

 

[Koolau]

Oh, man, did I have a list. For years before FIREing at 54 I kept a Note on my iPhone for my approximately one million brainstorms for what I could do post-FIRE.

In hindsight, my list was a coping mechanism. A crutch. Haven’t looked at it even once in 3 years since quitting.

But I know what was on it: Ways to make money that were different than my 9-5 management job. So, what that tells me is that I didn’t want to quit working so much as to do something completely different for work. That has actually happened, as I’ve said yes to two consulting opportunities, which have led recently to full time consulting. I’m stimulated, learning, growing and earning again.

I found what I was looking for and hope you do, too. For myself, I’m glad I said YES when opportunity knocked. Congrats on meeting your goal and having options!

I had on old friend (now gone to his final reward) who used to say - quite eloquently - "Now that I'm retired, I don't know how I ever had time to w*rk!" He had so many hobbies and projects that he was busy most of his waking hours. He had zero regrets about retiring and never looked back. YMMV

 

[Sanstar]

A book, “The Happiness of Pursuit” was helpful to me.

 

[folivier]

Maxfire, yes neither of us are capable of heavy lifting fighting fires. But almost all of our calls are medical and since we're at 9400' lots of them are altitude related. DW is our dept. goto for taking notes, I either grab our medical Ranger to go to a scene or help set up the landing zone if a helicopter is needed.
We'll be transitioning from Firebar to Active911 for our callouts soon. Hoping that works better for us in our remote area.

 

[JBTX]

Hi all! I (M31) have been FIREd for 2 years now. As soon as I reached my financial goal, I quit my corporate job and have moved back to my home country. Before making this major life shift, I had a whole list of things that I wanted to do with my free time, such as enrolling into a graduate school, be more physically active, travel more - simply enjoying the life.

However, for quite some time now I have found myself in some kind of a "mental vacuum" where I don't have a motivation to go out and enjoy things. I actually started with a graduate school, but I have soon after quit it due to the lack of motivation and under the excuse that I will not go to the corporate world again, hence there is no need for me to study more. Also, I am not as physically active as I wanted to be. Simply put, I have a lot of free time, but I have a feeling I am not using in a quality way. Another thing is that I am not getting as excited about the things as I used to be - activities that I was thrilled about before, like travelling, going to sports games, etc. - everything became kind of "plain vanilla". The dream of getting FIREd was something I had been going to bed and waking up with, I was so much in the zone to reach that state that it was obssessing me, but once I reached it I feel my life got so empty and I can't say that I am the happier than before when I was a corporate worm.

I feel like I need some kind of responsibility in my life that will occupy my time. It doesn't need to be anything of a financial nature, just simply something that will get me out of my comfort zone and get me excited agaon.

I would be pleased to know if any of you have gone through such phases and how did you cope with the lack of motivation, and also how did you find ways to get excited again. Thank you all!

I can identify at your age dreaming of retiring. When I was around your age I was already creating retirement models and the prospect seemed like it would be wonderful. I had only the corporate world of work and much of the dissatisfying aspects of it.

I got laid off mid 30s, took about 5 months to find a new job, and it changed my perspective a bit. I took a trip, learned to play golf (not very well) and a few other things. It really felt great. But it wasn’t long before I realized it wasn’t self sustaining.

I worked various jobs for a couple of decades afterwards. Some better than others. About half of the time I contracted, which on balance I greatly preferred, usually less than 40 hours a week. But the whole time my perspective was different, I didn’t have this longing to retire that I did mid 30s, whether or not I liked the job.

I’m 60 now, retired, I think , but could work future contracts. I understand also the motivation thing, all those things that seemed wonderful don’t seem as wonderful when you have time to do them. I do have some things revolving around adult children that keep me busy part of the time but there is also dead time.

In can’t imagine working a career 10 years or less and then retiring for 60 years. You need something to give you purpose. Perhaps volunteer work, but to me that would have been just another job. I would suggest trying to find a job that you like, less about money, that has more flexibility in terms of hours and lifestyle. That may be easier said than done, but you aren't in any hurry.

My observation about most in retirement, here and other boards, are primarily content with just being. Take a vacation or two, and putter with various household chores, light volunteer work, etc. Most people on these boards say that is great and they love it. That’s kind of what I’m doing and for me it is only modestly satisfying. But it would be difficult to imagine a 31 year old being content with that for decades.

As to being a full time parent to young children - some people thrive on that. At times I did it part time with contract jobs with my wife. Whether it in itself is self sustaining depends on the person. It wasn’t for me or my wife. A lot of raising kids is just being around and taking them places. You aren’t interacting with them most of the time.

Hopefully you figure it out. Good luck.

 

[imnontrad]

How about taking training to become a coach and help others on their financial/retirement path? If you do this as self employment, you can set your own hours.

 

[TickTock]

I tell them I am working as an IT consultant and such conversation always makes me very uncomfortable. That is why I was even thinking of starting some tiny business so that I can simply say what my daily job is.

This is not original to me; I've seen others on this forum post it. Tell them you're a "Financial Advisor" (or some variation on that) - it's true, you are to some extent your own financial advisor, so you're not lying.

My advice is to give yourself some time to 'do nothing' (at least until you become a father; that will give you plenty to do!). Then see what you're drawn to. You just made a huge life change at a young age. You don't have to decide tomorrow what gives you purpose.

 

[engineernerd]

I do, and I attend the counseling sessions, but the counsellor basically says that things will eventually come together and that I will find my new purpose.
I will become a father beginning of next year and I am sure it will occupy a large chunk of my time, but I think it will be beneficial for both a kid and me not to put all my energy into being a father, but to have some activities other than being a parent

Not sure about the value of your counseling, hopefully that's not ALL the counselor is telling you!

There's a book called "I Can Do Anything, if I Only Knew What it Was." It's kind of hokey, but its advice is good: if you find yourself unable to pick a new goal, don't waste too much time trying to decide. It's important to try something, even if you have to throw darts at a list. If you don't like what you picked to try, then try something else. Basically, getting involved in ANYTHING will be better for you than sitting around feeling blah, and also you can't really know how much fulfillment you will get out of something new until you actually try it - so try it!

 

[TxChick1004]

Congratulations on meeting your Fire goal! 31 is fantastic! Have you thought about buying a franchise... something you'd be interested in managing? You could run it until you get bored and hire someone else to manage it.

 

[SenorDave]

Congratulations on meeting your goal at such a young age. That's commendable!
In my experience in HR/management, the one thing that I always consoled my employees who were deciding whether or not to retire was that they needed something to retire to. An interest, a calling, something that would inspire them. If they didn't have something to retire to, I would advise them to hold off on retirement until they figured that part out.
Having a child will fill some of that, but putting a child at the center of your universe may not be the best option.
I'd return to the workplace at least part time in order to get some human interaction. During that time, try to figure out what gives you joy and meaning.

 

[oldtrig]

I had on old friend (now gone to his final reward) who used to say - quite eloquently - "Now that I'm retired, I don't know how I ever had time to w*rk!" He had so many hobbies and projects that he was busy most of his waking hours. He had zero regrets about retiring and never looked back. YMMV

Your old friend was a very wise man.

 

[pstille]

31, OMG, a new father, OMG! These can be the best years of your life. In a few years you can be the best soccer, baseball, softball coach and really enjoy your child's development. Some of my best memories. You are one lucky (well earned) dude. Go for it and enjoy.

 

[steady saver]

My advice is slightly different than the wise words of the many retired people here, who have successfully retired in their 50s and 60s. "Retiring" is for people in their 50s and 60s who have climbed the mountain, and now want to rest. If I were 31 and financially independent, I would eliminate the word "retire" from my vocabulary. Your goal is not to be "retired". "Retirement" is for old people (no offense to the many successful retired middle aged people here who wouldn't define themselves as old) who are ready to slow-down. At age 31, you have barely started your adult life (maybe 10-15 years into a 60-70 year adulthood). Your goal is to have a new fulfilling growth stage of your life, perhaps one that is not necessarily driven by the accumulation of money (since you have already accomplished that)....although it could be driven by money, if you are motivated to do that. At age 31 and financially independent, you do not need a "hobby" or a "part-time job" or something else to "pass the time".....those are objectives for "old" people. Your need a big audacious goal, a big life mission. If you are ambitious enough to accumulative enough capital to be financially independent at 29, and assuming you are physically and mentally healthy, you will not be satisfied unless you have another big goal or mission or purpose. Gardening or bird watching will not satisfy your need to have a real purpose. You are in a very different position than the many wise people on this website who are a bit older, have accomplished much, have raised children, and are ready to slow down, smell the roses, pursue hobbies, etc. You are still in the youth of your life, where you should grab life by the proverbial balls and go for something big. Anyway, that's what I would be doing if I were 31, financially independent, and physically and mentally healthy. When you are 90, you are not going to look back and say "you know, I wish I would have pursued my interest in raising tropical fish when I could have when I was 32". You are not going to say "I wish I would have pursued that part-time job at the library when I was 35". No, you will look back and say "I wish I would have followed my passion of starting a company to generate fusion electricity to power the world for free" or "mine asteroids for battery minerals" or whatever crazy thing you are interested in. Obviously exaggerating a bit here to make a point, you don't have to change the world, but there is certainty something bigger you can do than a hobby or part-time job. You are 31 and have 50 years to do something huge! I bet 99% of the people on this board would change places with you in exchange for their entire net worth if given the chance.

I agree with this wholeheartedly.

I also echo what others say about considering interviewing other therapists. Doesn't mean he/she isn't a good one, just may not be the best one for you right now.

Being a parent will take up a LOT of your time. But even for stay at home parents, it's not their whole life. That's how helicopter parents are born.

I like the suggestion of the book someone mentioned that encourages you to try ANYTHING, even if it doesn't stick. Losing momentum leads to depression.

Keep us posted.

 

[dks1]

Hustler, have you thought about writing a memoir?

 

[emmaswan]

OP, would be curious to learn more about your journey to reaching FIRE at such a young age if you wouldn't mind sharing.

 

[meleana]

Honestly at 31 years old you are too young to be "retired". You need a purpose to put all your youthful energy towards.


Either volunteer for something you are passionate about, pursue a very involved, time consuming hobby or start a small business that gives you a reason to wake up in the morning.


If you are rolling in doe- maybe travel the world. Life is full of endless possibilities! Come on- snap out of it, man!


PS Meet a nice woman and get married and have children.

 

[Fermion]

I have so many things I want to do in FIRE it would take 3 or 4 lifetimes. Currently still bogged down finishing up building a complete house from foundation up with just my wife and I working on it but I want to do a long sailing trip, go gold mining, build a remote cabin, design a underwater robot, the list just goes on.

 

[OHjosh]

Two years is exactly the time I went through that period. Seems to me I had to get to an emotional low point to have an emotional breakthrough. I was walking the track at my gym feeling useless when I saw the scene of a play in my mind. Not an existing play.. one I was to write. I am now on play 24, working with drama coaches, actors and directors, taking classes to learn how to write a GOOD play. I also tutor kids at my local school. I now feel useful, productive, and hopeful.

All I can offer is that you need to try... anything that gives you the smallest spark. See if it turns into a flame, if not try something else. Good luck!

 

[flyingaway]

You don't have to do anything.

 

[AlmostThere35]

Kids and meetup.com

I'm thinking your first kid should have you covered in the near term. I had to work while my wife got to be at home with ours and it's not like I'd have been any less busy at home. You can't help too much and it's great to have all the pics and video years later if you have the time to chronicle.

I think meetup.com sounds great if it's working for you. Like you, I retired in my 30's and like one of the other commenters, I'm very introverted. I tried out a little consulting, but while I'm psychologically concientious, it's mostly orderliness rather than industriousness, so I've never found work all that fulfilling even though I've succeeded at it. I still have folks from work begging me to help out often, but I feel less and less like it every year. It does help me rationalize spending though. One of the main reasons I went back for work for one last big job a few years into retirement was b/c I'd decided to go wild designing and building my own home from scratch. I worked something like 5 hours/wk on average since (less this year) - it just doesn't hold any interest for me anymore.

I feel a lot of the same way about the rest of life, so I look forward to anything you figure out.

 

[OHjosh]

You don't have to do anything.

On the surface level, I agree: I don't have to do anything. But on many deeper levels, I reject this notion. Most of my life, I have been guided by a sense of mission: to serve and to give back to this thing we call consciousness. To have my life mean something to someone (maybe only one person), even after I am dead.

I have personal gifts and have had life experiences that can be useful to others... if only to keep them from making the same mistakes, or at least cutting down the time or intensity they suffer pain going through them. Some of these experiences and gifts I received from family, teachers, counselors and friends. Many of these dear souls have been gone for decades.... but they are alive to me.

Check out the work of Erik Erikson; https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/erikson-stages#1-trust. I think he describes well the challenges and gifts to be gained (or lost in each stage) of life. Most of us are in Stages 7 and 8.

 

[FedRetired50]

Oh, man, did I have a list. For years before FIREing at 54 I kept a Note on my iPhone for my approximately one million brainstorms for what I could do post-FIRE.

In hindsight, my list was a coping mechanism. A crutch. Haven’t looked at it even once in 3 years since quitting.

But I know what was on it: Ways to make money that were different than my 9-5 management job.

That type of list might be useful to newly-FIREd members of this forum. Could you post it?

 

[FedRetired50]

"Now that I'm retired, I don't know how I ever had time to w*rk!"

That's an exact quote of every person that retired before me at my gov't agency, when I asked them how it was going. And so far, true for me, too.