Good friend (67, not in great health) with SERIOUS OMY syndrome..advice?

[harley]

Just tell him you're glad he's still working. Somebody has to pay in to cover your SS.

 

[Healthy Lifestyle]

He will figure it out eventually since there is no alternative.

 

[Texas Proud]

I am going to through out a different moniker.... OMD... One More DECADE...

It seems there are too many people who keep doing the OMY over and over so they might as well be up front and say OMD...

My question is did he get a exit package? I would think so.... what about unemployment? I would think so.... so tell him his 'job' is to do nothing while he is being paid to do so...

 

[Koolau]

I've mentioned before that my dad was w*rking or looking for w*rk until he had to go into memory care. It was just his thing. He didn't need the money. Nothing I said to him made a difference. He loved w*rking, so why deprive him of it.

His last job was a night watchman at a half-way house for teens. The kids were not locked in though they were (theoretically) not allowed to leave their rooms except for fire/tornado, etc. So, almost nightly, he had to usher one kid or another back to their room (they were hoping to hook up) and a couple of times he was ready to go a couple of rounds with some teen boy when dad was almost 80.

He agreed that the j*b was not ideal, but, it WAS a j*b. That was good enough for him. SO, it's not OPs responsibility to talk the friend into retiring. He probably doesn't WANT to retire. What's wrong with that, really? Not my thing and not OP's thing, but maybe it's HIS thing. YMMV

 

[Midpack]

I've mentioned before that my dad was w*rking or looking for w*rk until he had to go into memory care. It was just his thing. He didn't need the money. Nothing I said to him made a difference. He loved w*rking, so why deprive him of it.

I don't know how common it is, but haven't we all known people who are just happier if they work, maybe part time? Hard as it is for some here to believe, there are retirees who fall into boredom and depression when they retire - they are undoubtedly better off with at least part time work - nothing to do with money. Of my 20+ golf buddies, none of whom need the money:

• 1 works two days a week at the golf course, gets a small pay check and plays golf for free
• 1 works part time mowing at the golf course for couple hundred $/week in summer, and plays golf for free
• 1 works full time in the pro shop
• 1 works full time for Freedom Boats
• 1 does Amazon deliveries and Uber
• 1 does Amazon and (underpaid) handyman jobs for friends ALL the time (he literally can't sit still)

Again, none of them need the money, they all had substantial professional careers and live in big houses.

 

[Texas Proud]

Well, getting to golf for free is a good perk to have at work... right?

Soooo, how much does it cost to play, how many hours do they work, and how many free rounds? Their 'take home' pay might be pretty high...

 

[Dtail]

I don't know how common it is, but haven't we all known people who are just happier if they work, maybe part time? Hard as it is for some here to believe, there are retirees who fall into boredom and depression when they retire - they are undoubtedly better off with at least part time work - nothing to do with money. Of my 20+ golf buddies, none of whom need the money:

• 1 works two days a week at the golf course, gets a small pay check and plays golf for free
• 1 works part time mowing at the golf course for couple hundred $/week in summer, and plays golf for free
• 1 works full time in the pro shop
• 1 works full time for Freedom Boats
• 1 does Amazon deliveries and Uber
• 1 does Amazon and (underpaid) handyman jobs for friends ALL the time (he literally can't sit still)

Again, none of them need the money, they all had substantial professional careers and live in big houses.

Understand some of them, but Amazon deliveries and Uber?

 

[Midpack]

Understand some of them, but Amazon deliveries and Uber?

I don’t get the appeal, but the two guys who do Amazon (part time flex) compare notes every time they’re together.

 

[skyking1]

I read through and agree, the best you can do is fun stuff with him. You can't harp on it or tell him the right course, but the lightbulb may illuminate under the right conditions.

 

[CO-guy]

I read through and agree, the best you can do is fun stuff with him. You can't harp on it or tell him the right course, but the lightbulb may illuminate under the right conditions.

+1

I have a close family member in his mid-70s with an 8-figure portfolio and expenses below $2K month that simply can't flip the switch. Currently, he's trying to finish building a home that he plans to sell in order to build a sixplex on an adjacent property. He's been in the "finishing" stage of the build now for over 2 years with the initial home. When I point out he'll be 80 before his plan is done, his only response is, "You watch, It'll be done sooner."

Oh, and he has serious vascular issues and hobbles around because he needs both knees replaced, which he's planning to do just as soon as this project is done.

 

[Dtail]

+1

I have a close family member in his mid-70s with an 8-figure portfolio and expenses below $2K month that simply can't flip the switch. Currently, he's trying to finish building a home that he plans to sell in order to build a sixplex on an adjacent property. He's been in the "finishing" stage of the build now for over 2 years with the initial home. When I point out he'll be 80 before his plan is done, his only response is, "You watch, It'll be done sooner."

Oh, and he has serious vascular issues and hobbles around because he needs both knees replaced, which he's planning to do just as soon as this project is done.

 

[skyking1]

+1

I have a close family member in his mid-70s with an 8-figure portfolio and expenses below $2K month that simply can't flip the switch. Currently, he's trying to finish building a home that he plans to sell in order to build a sixplex on an adjacent property. He's been in the "finishing" stage of the build now for over 2 years with the initial home. When I point out he'll be 80 before his plan is done, his only response is, "You watch, It'll be done sooner."

Oh, and he has serious vascular issues and hobbles around because he needs both knees replaced, which he's planning to do just as soon as this project is done.

I am *this close* to abandoning my dream home build at 63 for these kinds of reasons. I spent the last week working on my friend's cabin and it is beating on me, plus the permit hassle I am fighting, plus the clock ticking.
I have about 10K in sunk costs if the property sale is a wash. I never thought I would throw in the towel but it is a consideration.

 

[CO-guy]

I feel bad for him, but to the OP's concerns, confrontation is not productive.

Two years ago he told me this was an 18-24 month plan. At the time he insisted "finishing" the home would take 2-weeks and asked how long I thought it would take before the six apartments were complete. When I estimated 6-8 years, he became upset and it was clear that I offended him.

In September someone made an all cash offer on the multi-unit property: Land and plans for about 75% of what he's hoping to net from the project. His response was, "If they're offering that much money, then I could probably sell the apartments for more!"

Last week I mentioned that it had been 24-months since he told me about his 18-24 month plan. The only thing it accomplished was for him to move the goalpost. (e.g. "I meant 18-24 months from when I start building the apartments, but I haven't started yet, so....."). That's when I pointed out that he'll be 80 before the project is done, and his response as I said above was, "You watch, It'll be done sooner."

 

[Koolau]

Well, getting to golf for free is a good perk to have at work... right?

Soooo, how much does it cost to play, how many hours do they work, and how many free rounds? Their 'take home' pay might be pretty high...

My old boss retired and went to w*rk for the municipal golf course. IIRC he w*rked in the club house, setting up T-times and taking money, selling golf equipment, etc. THAT was the year that it didn't rain! The club was unable to keep the club open because of the inability to save the fairways (they salvaged the greens.) Not an auspicious beginning to a second career! I guess "nature" was trying to tell him to retire (which he then did.)

 

[Music Lover]

Well, getting to golf for free is a good perk to have at work... right?

Soooo, how much does it cost to play, how many hours do they work, and how many free rounds? Their 'take home' pay might be pretty high...

One of my friends works as a marshal at a local course. He gets a free round for putting in 6 hours. A round there costs $45 so he's working for $7.50 an hour.

 

[EastWest Gal]

I don't think it's OMY syndrome, but the ego blow from being laid off as opposed to retiring on his terms. I was fired from a job in 2004, and know how it feels. He's probably going through a grieving process and looking for new work is a coping mechanism. I felt the same when I tried retirement in 2014. Finally did it for good in 2019. One of the things that really helped was reaching back in my thoughts for my identity before I started working in medicine and started doing the things that brought me joy when I was much younger-walks in the woods, hiking, swimming, playing music, etc. Since he is a good friend, perhaps having a conversation or two about what life was like before 30+ years of w**king, which for many of us, was much more joyful and free, just like we are now. He probably has some great stories and memories of his pre-career times.

 

[Texas Proud]

Yea, getting laid off is a bummer... I have been a few times due to downsizing, restructures or company failure... the last one I did some temp work which I found enjoyable but then THEY had a meltdown and that work went away... Looking for a job did not go well... so retired...

BUT, guess what I became a politician!!! Yep, ran for a local water board and was voted in... not a great gig as max salary is $7200 per state law but it gives me something to do, and I love it... I am one of the people who get on the committees as I have time on my hands... so more to do if I want...

Just got back from a convention where I got a couple of days of wining and dining from vendors and DW got a 4 day vacation paid for as my room etc was paid for... hey, perks are perks!!

 

[marko]

OMY is one of those 'diseases' we see here on this forum.

Sadly it is often incurable and sometimes even leads to those offering a cure, with good intentions, alienating themselves from the patient. There are countless causes, many of them not obvious.

Best to just keep the patient comfortable, keep in touch and be positive.

 

[FindingForward]

Lot of the usual stuff: unrealistic / unachievable expectations. Super long hours (to hit the unreasonable goals). Managers who got promoted not because they were good managers, but because they kissed the right ..., lots of time on the road, away from family. Needing to fly out on a weekend for idiotic/useless events, umpteen different spreadsheets to convey the exact same data, just because the inept managers/Directors/VPs all want to see things "their own way", etc. Lots of corporate politics. etc etc.

Thanks for the memories - NOT! Those corporate years were not fun.